it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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