i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
only you would photoshop your dick
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she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
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For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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