i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
