I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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