i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We just shotgunned beers for America
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize