So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
