I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Blood and glitter go together right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So. Much. Porn.
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