chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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