I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.