he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Even my vagina gasped.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
