someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
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He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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