I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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