I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
