i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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