I want to have your abortion
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
