Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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