haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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