if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.