Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.