Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Drake has all the answers
And then the night went full on bisexual.