you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
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I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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