while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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