Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
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In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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