how do flat chested girls get laid?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
