I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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