"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
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Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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