do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
