I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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