he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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