that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
