It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
