So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
be right there i have to get my cape
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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