Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
