he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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