I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
