your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize