Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
