sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
