im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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