Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
