No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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