living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
