I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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