This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I enjoy the company of your penis
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
