someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize