I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
