tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
