my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
