you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
