just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
