i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize