This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
